a Cup of Memory

a cup of coffee

I’ve been stirring my coffee for a minute now, I guess. Every time I get here at our office pantry and make one cup of this caffeine, I always get lost. I mean, stirring, stirring, and stirring until sometimes, office mates would tell me like, “Hey, what’s with your coffee? Are you stirring it to get it cold? You might want to put ice?” I am really lost to somewhere else, to those times wherein someone would order me to make coffee served with anything – cookies, biscuits, bread and even breakfast meal or other meal of the day depends on what time he arrives for a visit. Yes, he wasn’t part of the household but he’s one of the foundations. He’s my lolo. It was always a scene at our house’s window where he shows up and putting there down bottles of pickled chili or live chicken. When he sits down, it follows that he orders coffee and food. Accustomed to it, I know how his coffee tastes – black, little sugar. It was a frequent (almost every week or once in half-month) visit.

It was. That was why may be after three weeks of not coming made me wonder. Every time I arrive at home from a weekly boarding for school, I ask about him but they said he won’t come. They told me he was under medication with my aunt accompanying him. I didn’t know what he had until one Wednesday, my mother texted me that they were in the hospital. He was already in a comatose. The following day while I was in the class, actively participating in the games, I received a neighbor’s message and it reads, “Wala na si lolo mo (Your grandfather is gone.)”. Unnoticed, I cried at the corner of the room. I went home Friday and I saw him there lying on his wooden bed. It was a painful truth how he had gone too soon because at those few weeks, my mother’s side of family just started untangling things of whatever disputes they have . If there was something good that happened with his absence, the family’s relationship had gone better. I know he is happy with that wherever he is.

His life might not be a perfect blend like his coffee, sometimes the sugar was more or less but I know that right from that moment he bid goodbye, God had already perfected it in heaven. I love you Lo!

***in memory of my Lolo Constancio, may he be happy now wherever he is


Chasing Butterflies


In a garden was a four year old girl. She hasn’t been to the outside world until then. A stranger in a new world, she kept on exploring every corner of that garden.

Everything is worth a discovery. She’s amazed with her co-creatures but something in the mid-air caught her attention. The thing flaps its body. It has colorful body – dots of yellow, black and brown. The creature captured her heart in an instant. Being so, she ran after it that she didn’t notice, she’s getting away from their house.

She ran and ran after it, only to touch it with her tiny palms but the more she chases it, the more it goes away. The little girl became patient to follow the thing and hoped she’ll have it, catch it. She stumbled and cried for sometimes but still went on.

After sometime, she lost the thing in her focus. She looked around and she knew, she’s in the woods. She wanted the thing badly but she didn’t know what to do. After a while, she decided to go back. At her arrival in the garden, everything delighted her – the flowers which had just bloomed, the green grasses, the bushes, the fresh scented trees and some small creatures she hadn’t discovered yet.

One by one, she went to look closer to this things and realized, she could have devoured the beauty of this garden earlier… and not wasted her time on a thing that made her lost. She’s sorry for herself for what had happened… but after all, she’s happy, she’s HOME.

*Like Love, we shouldn’t be blinded by obsession… if we think, we lost it… think we’ll find it again…even if it’s not in the same person or thing… we’ll find it again and again.. just HOPE and strengthen our FAITH…It will make us see our purpose to live.


the Reunion

“Who’s she daddy?” a girl in an elegant ponytail asked the man whose hands she’s holding. She is referring to that woman in front of them. The littlegirl looks at her dad and alternately at the woman.
She couldn’t understand what’s going on. It’s as if the world froze with her, wondering.Seconds, a beat of ten times passed but she couldn’t hear anything. So, sheasked again, “Dad, who’s she?” At the girl’s second attempt, the spell was broke.

“She’s your tita Thea. She’s a friend of your daddy”, the mannonchalantly replied. The woman can’t help but just to smile. “A friend”, yes,she’s really that.

“Ok, greet your tita.” The man commanded the little girl who obedientlydid as told. The woman

sat down to meet the cheeks of the little girl who’s trying to kiss her.

After the unexpected meeting,the woman just stood there where the man and the little girl left her. Shecouldn’t believe such – both the little girl and the man – but she has tobelieve it. She’d seen it.

It was her dream to have that little girl and yes, with that man. How such dream could came to life butwithout her?  It took her one, two, tenseconds to recall when she dreamt of another thing, when she tried to give upthat dream – with him and their girl. All began with a promise – a promise shemade to herself. No one compelled her to do that. She just knew it would be theright thing. Her motto then was “family first”. She did everything to fulfillit. She graduated, got a title and work hard.

Althea is now thirty years old.Yet, she’s still working for the same purpose. Of all her businesses, she neglected one thing – her own happiness.

“Get somebody who could help you forever.” Those were the words of Dennis, the man in her past and recentlyappeared to her in the present. She answered that it would be “someday”. It wasthe safest answer, she thought. She didn’t know. It just slipped from her mind.No other words came out and with greetings, the conversation died that night.She must be afraid to commit to some things she might have said if other words came out – fewer words, less danger

It was her fourth year of stay in the school while it was his last year. She knew very much it was her lastchance to tell him – to empty out to him the feelings she kept for years. She’sa woman and she didn’t know how to do it. She decided to make a letter and she did.

It was graduation day. She wentto see him as she usually did whenever she could see him. She waited on thelong narrow path outside the venue. She started to be irritated when at last,she caught a glimpse of him. He and his family approached her. She smiled and greetshis parents. After that, she found herself alone with him. Heartbeats becamefaster and she thought, her voice would tremble if she’ll speak. She began itwith a smile and he also smiled at her. Then, words came out from her throat.Those words made him smile widely but sad to say, it’s not her heart talking but her mind.

“What happened?,” She could only ask herself after he left her alone. It was her last chance but she let go ofit. She was a coward. She wasn’t brave enough.

That was the last time she saw him. News came to her that he left the country to work abroad and then, no more news came.

It’s only now that she saw him again. It’s on this school reunion  thatshe hoped to have a chance again but now, it’s gone. He has now a little girl –not with her as she used to dream, but with another woman.

She can no longer bring back the past and undo what has been done. It’s just now a matter of acceptance andmaybe, just maybe, she can find her happiness again by looking at him, happy from afar with his little girl.FIN