Collateral Beauty (Recognizing what’s in the fall..)

“just make sure you notice the collateral beauty..”

It’s a powerful message. At first, i couldn’t comprehend. Howard wrote to Death, Time & Love. He was putting them all to blame for his lost of a loved one.

After hearing all what they have to say and feeling them in me too, i realized i was the same with him 2 years back.

I became an accepting person – maybe if someone ask me something valuable, i won’t have enough strength to resist; believing it should always will be what would be. I’m praying that someday, slowly, I’ll come back to my feet and won’t concede any easily.

Living in sixty seconds, sixty minutes, twenty four hours, three hundred sixty five days, tens of years and sometimes not close to a hundred, I, like everyone, is buying for every breath and every moment of the most expensive commodity that is time. I would like to ask if how much is a time machine to the past. He wouldn’t give me and He wouldn’t sell me any either. He gave the future instead, for free.

And then here is the reason to every why. That even pain exists because of her, calling herself love. I remembered reading “love is not lost, it just transforms..”. We lost her. Pain. Yet, she is the reason why we come together, as if an invisible blanket which keeps us all warm and affectionate. Along with touching the hurt in my chest, i can touch a bigger part of that deep and nurturing feeling she has left. I am glad to share it with every person in the crossroads.

So there. Like the dominos Howard set up, all in the line are taken down by just a single piece falling. That one may have caused the collapse, and gone to be blamed for everything; but if you look widely – enough to appreciate, and put your eyes in the direction of the fall, you will see the beauty that goes with it.

In two years, I am noticing it, not yet all but someday, I will.

 

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#CollateralBeauty

Just Another Cake Story

For my 8th after two decades, I had a crazy plan. In the morning before anyone knows, I’m gone out of the apartment I share with my college friends. I will be back at a time when they’re already asleep (at night). I filed a leave at the office on Monday (13th) and determined to carry out the plan.

..and this was what happened.

June 12 – Philippines’ Independence Day at around 9:30pm and I was already in bed, one of my friends and her sister pulled out a box with a red ribbon. Inside was a white, sweet and mango stuffed something. Okay, it’s a cake. The dedication said, “HBD Roma Pi”.

Not to dismay them, I went to slice the cake and ate even if I was already done brushing.

I wasn’t awake when 12am stroke. I was being used to do it in years but that time, I wasn’t. I woke up past 8am. Two of my friends were gone to the office. Initial plan failed. I finished a pending report review and a movie I started the night before. Next, I should have gone to Manila for St. Anthony’s feast. Remember I mentioned that in Bustillos – St. Anthony’s Parish celebrates my natal day (Church Hopping)? Again, I didn’t. I did laundry, some cleaning and sit down or lied down in bed almost all day (and in my dress ready to go outside).

Somehow, I accomplished two. I cooked dinner. It’s been long that I don’t do that too. Second, I’ve deactivated my FB account. I was asked if why I did that. I said I wanted some quiet time that day or I was just challenging people to reach me. Those who knew (with my contacts) and remembered my personal occasion greeted me. Now I know. (haha)

The start of my 28th just happened and most of that day’s plan turned around. Blame it on the CAKE. Sure, I got thoughtful loved ones. Thank you everyone for being a slice of my life!

 

Xo

Roma Pi

 

ps: Lani, Ysang, Tette, Lily – ang sarap nung cake. Ako umubos. 🙂

Run United 2 – 2016

Out of time, I suddenly registered for this fun run held in Mall of Asia. I was frustrated with the idea that I don’t get to join the 2nd leg since I started running. Okay, so I joined in less than 20 days. It prompted me going to Bonifacio High Street in BGC, Taguig on a hot Saturday noon (12pm, really) – just a day before the race. I walked from gate 1 to Runnr. I’m just really good at assuming things (really?!). I got myself dried under the sun because of me suppose to get down at Market! Market!. I miscalculated that I could walk nearer from gate 1. Such mis-ses. Anyway as a consulation, here is what I saw – a mural. It’s currently trending in BGC. I saw several like that.

On the day (June 5, 2016), I went out of our apartment at 4am. I become too uneasy when I feel like I was going to be late (since my first fun run was a 10 minutes late). Just this time I felt at ease and I made there in time. I don’t bring camera and/or phones on the road. My eyes were enough for the beauty of the sunrise (though I wanted to share to you guys). I got bitten by “Sometimes I don’t. If I like a moment, for me, personally, I don’t like to have the distraction of the camera. I just want to stay in it.” (Sean Penn Scene, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty). Since then, some beauty I kept them on my own.

Okay, enough with my camera. (haha) I saw beggar runner, Mr. Larry Ronquillo. If I didn’t read about him, I won’t be smiling while seeing him being guarded by a marshall (or were they only acting?).

I finished in 1:21 – 10K. It’s far from my PR. I really have to train harder to get back to form. My goal then is a sub-1, so I should start to head to it again? YES. Kapit lang.

How about you? Might get interested. You can also read my previous post about how I love running. Just Go Run!

Have a good discovery of things along the way!

 

–ROMA PI

 

Beat The Pain That Haunts You

from my old blog —

(Before I closed my browser,this line caught my attention – -it wasn’t mine, I just need to say something out of it..)

..it will always be there, no matter what. It is like a virus that attacks your immunity system whenever it is weak. A pain out of something you let go, you missed, something you slipped out of your hold, something you didn’t have really. I, myself, is sometimes sick and tired of this state of emotion. It lingers when it has the chance.

What I do? I go on a walk, I put on my earphones for music,  I write to let the paper absorb what I feel (artistically crafting that  is pain), I call friends and loved ones and the other side is stress-eating. The last one reminds me to stock good food, not comfort food but the definition of healthy. I also wish I run out of stock or I don’t have any to buy on my way home. Pwede naring wala akong pambili.

What I do is not the way to treat it I think. It is to temporarily shut it down like giving anesthesia to numb the pain. I even don’t acknowledge why this surfaces once in a while and here while writing this, I came to an idea why such. I am not really letting go. I am still holding on to things that binds me with my pain. Isa akong masokista (I am a masochist). I trust Him but it isn’t that full.

I still do the “doctor thing” – ‘eto sa ‘yo, ‘eto ang maganda para sa ‘yo,  dito ka masaya, sya nalang, you’re fine (here’s for you, here’s what’s good for you, here’s where you are happy, settle with him/it). See? I am sort of knowing what is good and not good to me when all I do is just to recommend. I don’t have the pen, the stirring wheel of my own life. These brought me some brokenness inside, much to this, I feel empty.I can’t heal my wounds and fill empty spots so I’d rather bring myself to His medication. It is that something of acceptance I need to do. Pain, can create beautiful things (well, it isn’t negative at all sides) and can demolish defenses of the spirit when nurtured too long.

For me now, I will let it stay, feel it for a while and transform it to something of use, of inspiration and of a constant reminder to be so strong that it can never take me down. I will prevail.

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Stand high as the sky, Firm as the ground

–Chinese Proverb 

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and A REPLY from EPJ

I myself had an experience with this kind of feeling. Just like a melting butter in the surface of heated pan: dancing and drifting its way to the end, that act of feeling the burn just before you die, or that feeling when you jump off from 47th floor building: the-in-between-extreme-feelings-before-you-hit-the-ground.

But somehow, maybe we just really want to experience these kind of feelings. The pain, the loneliness, boredom and everything; wanting to experience love and hatred and sufferings and everything in between, simultaneously.

And therefore, maybe we are just effing with our empire of thoughts.

Just like the melting butter, maybe we just want to be liquefied; the experience of being in the atmosphere and moving around with the wind, spreading our beautiful aroma.

Maybe, we just want to experience melting and dying, without literally being, uhm, dead.

Or maybe, we are just tired being solid.

– EMILIO JIMENEZ (an accountant, rocker)

Just Go, Run!

Buzzzzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzzz…..

Well, what did I do? Hit the dismiss button. I went back to sleep again. The next thing I woke up, it’s already mid-July. I’m back to shape – with all those extra fats side-waist, untrimmed thighs and flabby arms. It’s time to get back to the road (literally).

Sunday – I enjoyed my sightseeing while pounding the ground. I went back to Bonifacio Global City by foot. The sun’s up before 6am but luckily, it’s quite cloudy. I had an hour and a half going around. The place is a playground for me – run anywhere! It’s also where I trained for most of my runs since 2013. I do it weekends and weekdays (even if I have to go to the office). I do it rain (not on an outpour, of course) or shine, in good health or not. I got hooked to it. Instead of just sitting somewhere and staring to something where I know I wasn’t there, I went moving.

I joined a 5K Manila Bay Clean up Run 2013 with friends. Then, I moved to 10K, 16K and 21K. For each kilometer I conquered, I gave up an hour of sleep for every morning run and every race day. I fueled myself with courage, for me going outdoors as early as 2am. It’s a self-motivation. It was hard at the start but when it got into my system, I felt better and gained so much from it.

Body clock. I became that morning person. It feels good to be there running and sweating while the rest of the city is still at sleep. It became a habit to go to bed early for a run the next day. Sleep should never be compromised, though, I am guilty of late nights and still go to run.

Fitness. Well, I don’t like difficulty in moving and going upstairs catching for air. So, I got serious in my runs.Within only 6 months, I weighed 62kg and went down to 57 then to 55. I was even delighted with the idea that I got runner’s legs which I read in magazines I bought (I said, I’m serious).

Knowledge and Experience. In races I joined, I got to know terms like singlet, loot bags, gun start, lunges, HIIT among others. I knew the feeling of preparing my things before the race day. I familiarized myself with do’s and don’ts, waking up with ample time to travel to the venue, hopping on to an ordinary bus when I can’t wait for air-conditioned ones, sharing a cab with strangers ( they’re runners, yeah), and of course, the run itself. I’ve been to grass, asphalt, road and my favorite route, flyover. Imagine running on Kalayaan flyover or Skyway carless. It was freedom.

Fun and Socials. Going alone on the road is really not “alone”. In fact, some runners had a chat with me. They’ll be flashing their morning smiles and utter a motivating word (kaya mo ‘yan, tara!). Others on the park grounds would tell me about a past race upon seeing my top (a singlet from the race) and relate their experiences.On races, cheerers shout “good morning, go runners”. Oh and how about loving selfies? Photographers line up especially near the finish line. All you need is a good pose and untired smile. They love catching that. Lastly, a glimpse of the morning sun or a sunset – priceless.

Confidence. I learned blending in a crowd – those warming up or waiting for the gun start. I am a reserved type and by engaging in runs alone, I managed to talk to total strangers – about the venue, goodies to pick-up, and how to’s. I feel no longer intimidated by stares of how do I look or what I am wearing. Ultimately, I got praises for weighing less and the dedication I put in my runs.

Food. Being a runner doesn’t mean you have the license to eat what you want. It doesn’t work that way. I became aware of food choices. It wasn’t really the quantity but it comes with the quality of food. I increased consumption of vegetables and fruits and with some dos and don’ts, I achieved better runs.

Willpower, Discipline and Stress-Reliever. It’s a “me” time. Running puts me into a mental conversation. I evaluate my plans for the day or for a week. It got me reflecting on my decisions and the consequences. I am so absorbed that even if my feet is already giving up, I still go. “The mind is strong but the flesh is weak.” I am glad I defy this most of the time. I call it willpower. A run, actually, is a sport that it’s yourself you’re beating. It’s you who decides to go harder or not. I learned an aspect of control over my body and mind. “Listen to your body.” However, it should not be painful. There’s always another day to outperform.

With all of these, I run – sunrise, sunset, foggy, drizzling. I join races as far as my schedule permits me. I may lie down for days but I will always find a way to get back to my one love. I just go, run!

 

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