Unravel

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Relay

From the
stare I do,
I guess
you knew
how deep
I am
into you.
the frantic
beats your
presence makes;
how my knees
go weak
around you
I fell hard.

 
How I wish
you’ll be mine
’cause I am yours
all this time,
she says
I keep wasting
time waiting
for you
to turn around,
she hopes
I’ll be tired
sometime..

Poured tears,
broken most
days,
why can’t I
give up?
why can’t you?
we keep passing
each other’s love,
you love her
as much I do
to you.

Beat The Pain That Haunts You

from my old blog —

(Before I closed my browser,this line caught my attention – -it wasn’t mine, I just need to say something out of it..)

..it will always be there, no matter what. It is like a virus that attacks your immunity system whenever it is weak. A pain out of something you let go, you missed, something you slipped out of your hold, something you didn’t have really. I, myself, is sometimes sick and tired of this state of emotion. It lingers when it has the chance.

What I do? I go on a walk, I put on my earphones for music,  I write to let the paper absorb what I feel (artistically crafting that  is pain), I call friends and loved ones and the other side is stress-eating. The last one reminds me to stock good food, not comfort food but the definition of healthy. I also wish I run out of stock or I don’t have any to buy on my way home. Pwede naring wala akong pambili.

What I do is not the way to treat it I think. It is to temporarily shut it down like giving anesthesia to numb the pain. I even don’t acknowledge why this surfaces once in a while and here while writing this, I came to an idea why such. I am not really letting go. I am still holding on to things that binds me with my pain. Isa akong masokista (I am a masochist). I trust Him but it isn’t that full.

I still do the “doctor thing” – ‘eto sa ‘yo, ‘eto ang maganda para sa ‘yo,  dito ka masaya, sya nalang, you’re fine (here’s for you, here’s what’s good for you, here’s where you are happy, settle with him/it). See? I am sort of knowing what is good and not good to me when all I do is just to recommend. I don’t have the pen, the stirring wheel of my own life. These brought me some brokenness inside, much to this, I feel empty.I can’t heal my wounds and fill empty spots so I’d rather bring myself to His medication. It is that something of acceptance I need to do. Pain, can create beautiful things (well, it isn’t negative at all sides) and can demolish defenses of the spirit when nurtured too long.

For me now, I will let it stay, feel it for a while and transform it to something of use, of inspiration and of a constant reminder to be so strong that it can never take me down. I will prevail.

————————————————————————————————————

Stand high as the sky, Firm as the ground

–Chinese Proverb 

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and A REPLY from EPJ

I myself had an experience with this kind of feeling. Just like a melting butter in the surface of heated pan: dancing and drifting its way to the end, that act of feeling the burn just before you die, or that feeling when you jump off from 47th floor building: the-in-between-extreme-feelings-before-you-hit-the-ground.

But somehow, maybe we just really want to experience these kind of feelings. The pain, the loneliness, boredom and everything; wanting to experience love and hatred and sufferings and everything in between, simultaneously.

And therefore, maybe we are just effing with our empire of thoughts.

Just like the melting butter, maybe we just want to be liquefied; the experience of being in the atmosphere and moving around with the wind, spreading our beautiful aroma.

Maybe, we just want to experience melting and dying, without literally being, uhm, dead.

Or maybe, we are just tired being solid.

– EMILIO JIMENEZ (an accountant, rocker)

Silently

right now,

i want to punch

the wall..

 

that in just

one hit,

this pain

of wanting you

or more

be gone..

 
i know

this,

again,

i’m falling

for someone

who can’t

return anything

and I,

end up

broken

and will let

time go by

as always.,

 

befriending

someone who

never knew

i loved him..

Fiction

at the epilogue
of it all,
when no story
existed in the
clasp of our hands,
when we reached
our finish lines
and didn’t see
each other..

sometime, somewhere
before..I wished
that something beautiful
between us have been
written to unfold..

but now, we came
to this end,
I realized that
my chances were there
in the stars and
never to come down,
not today,
not anymore..

 

***written on March 21, 2016 under #wordpoetryday

Benumbed

to act the way before

to be the one who was never hurt

to set walls, unpenetrable barrier,

defenses that won’t fall

to learn moving around

no familiar faces

no guilt, no begging – –

look,  what have they done…