Wish

in three years,i met you..

again.

this time

you are not

the moon;

you are a star.

on an ordinary day:

the sun

was hot,

you made your

presence felt.

the night fell;

all were gone

but you,

you stayed.

i was staring

at you

like the rest

of the universe

were never there.

i was so careful

not to interfere

with your shining,

your deep

conversation with

everyone who

clamors your

light.

i brought myself

on the wall,

and a kid

somehow uttering

the rhyme,

i wondered

what you are,

how you

do these

things.

and as if to

take a wish,

you looked

into me.

so sudden,

i didn’t know

how to

meet your eyes.

it took

me sometime

to tell

the truth

in your laughter,

and in

the silence

of your gazes.

you can’t be haved.

only a star

can touch a fellow star.

–and i am the girl

looking at you

from down below –

melting in sheer

affection for you.


photo : cto m. pamittan

Advertisements

Relay

From the
stare I do,
I guess
you knew
how deep
I am
into you.
the frantic
beats your
presence makes;
how my knees
go weak
around you
I fell hard.

 
How I wish
you’ll be mine
’cause I am yours
all this time,
she says
I keep wasting
time waiting
for you
to turn around,
she hopes
I’ll be tired
sometime..

Poured tears,
broken most
days,
why can’t I
give up?
why can’t you?
we keep passing
each other’s love,
you love her
as much I do
to you.

Silently

right now,

i want to punch

the wall..

 

that in just

one hit,

this pain

of wanting you

or more

be gone..

 
i know

this,

again,

i’m falling

for someone

who can’t

return anything

and I,

end up

broken

and will let

time go by

as always.,

 

befriending

someone who

never knew

i loved him..

Fiction

at the epilogue
of it all,
when no story
existed in the
clasp of our hands,
when we reached
our finish lines
and didn’t see
each other..

sometime, somewhere
before..I wished
that something beautiful
between us have been
written to unfold..

but now, we came
to this end,
I realized that
my chances were there
in the stars and
never to come down,
not today,
not anymore..

 

***written on March 21, 2016 under #wordpoetryday

Sa Kabilang Banda

Feb 14. Valentine’s Day. Maagang nagising si Angela. 5:30 palang ay bumangon na sya at nag-exercise. Habang nag-iinat, hindi nya maiwasang isipin ang mangyayari mamaya. Sinabihan sya ni Paul na magbihis daw ng maayos at may pupuntahan daw sila pagkagaling sa opisina. Si Paul ang katrabaho nya na kalauna’y naging malapit sa kanya. Sa loob ng isang taon, madalas silang magkasama – pakape-kape, panonood ng basketball, at bowling. Lagi nitong sinasabi na cool syang kasama. Nandun sya sa mga panahong kailangan nitong magde-stress, magrelax o kaya naman ay makinig lang. Batuhan ng koro-koro, mga kagaguhan sa buhay, problema sa bahay at kung anu-ano pa, may mapag-usapan lang. Sa loob ng panahong iyon, nakabuo sya ng espesyal na damdamin para rito. Hindi nya lang alam kung parehas sila pero ang pakiramdam nya, sa tuwing nakatitig siya sa mga kulay kayumangging mata nito, may nagtatago roon. Hindi lang nya matukoy.

6:30am. Nakakain na sya at nakaligo. Binuksan nya ang closet at tiningnan ang ilang araw na nyang pinagpipiliang mga blouse at bestida. Ngayon lang nya ito gagawin. Kaiba sa mga nakasanayan nyang suotin sa pagpasok. Panay slacks, jeans, blouse at long sleeves ang madalas nyang gayak sa office. Hindi sya nagsusuot ng skirt o dress. Hindi sya komportable. Dahil doon, kailangan nyang suklian nalang ng ngiti ang mga panunukso sa kanya ng kahit minsan man lang daw ay makita nilang babae sya. Oo, tingin nila one of the boys sya. Halos silang lahat maliban kay Paul.

Pinili nya ang faded jeans inspired blue dress na may palamuting mga bulaklak sa laylayan nito. Simple pero nakakaagaw ng pansin ang disenyo nito. Kinuha nya rin ang isang soft blue wedge sandal na matagal nang nakatengga sa ilalim ng kanyang kama. Naisusuot nya lang kasi iyon kapag may okasyon. Sinipat nya ang sarili sa salamin. Kinuha nya ang pressed powder, blush on at lipstick na kakabili lang nya kagabi .Naglagay sya ng mga ito sa mukha at labi. Iyong simple lang din. Hindi sya palaayos kaya araw-araw pulbo lang ang inilalagay nya sa mukha at lip shiner lang sa labi pero dahil iba ang araw na ‘to, naghanda sya. Magpapaganda sya, mag-iiba. Hindi man sa paningin ng karamihan kundi para kay Paul.

Imbes na ang backpack nyang adidas na pula ang dala, kinuha nya rin ang isang light brown tote bag. Isa-isa nyang isiniksik doon ang mga gamit nya. Tiningnan nyang muli ang repleksyon sa salamin at ngumiti. Kontento na sya. Binuksan nya ulit ang closet at kinuha rin ang isang cardigan. Malamig pa kasi ang panahon lalo na ‘pag gabi. Isinukbit nya ang bag sa kanyang balikat at hawak-hawak ang cardigan na lumabas sya ng silid. Nagulat ang mama nya sa itsura nya. Hindi raw ito sanay pero maganda raw, maganda raw sya. Biniro naman nya ito, oo nga’t mama nya ito talaga. Niyakap, hinagkan at binati nya ito ng Happy Valentine’s Day. Hinabol pa sya nito ng mga salitang, “anak, kung sino man sya, Masaya ako para sa ‘yo..” at nakangiti itong kumaway sa kanya.

Sumakay sya ng taxi. Ayaw nyang magjeep ngayong araw. Sayang naman ang get-up nya kung sisirain lang yun ng usok ng kalye at ibang amoy na masasagap sa bawat dadaanan nila. Malapit na sya sa gusali nila nang paunti-unti na ang usad ng sinasakyan nya. Kung kailan naman malapit na tsaka nagkaganito, himutok nya. Mga kinse minuto na grace period na lang. Pinili nyang bumaba at lakarin na lang. Pagdating nya sa isang kanto, isang lalake ang nakaagaw ng atensyon nya. Naka-pink long sleeve ito, bagay sa maputi nitong balat. Napangiti sya at nagsimulang kabugin sa dibdib. Si Paul. Naglakad ito patungo sa direksyon nya, tatawagin upang pumasok na. Isang metro na lang ang layo nya ng mapansin nyang may taong kaharap ito. Hindi lang iyon, kahalikan. Na-estatwa sya.

Sa pagkaramdam na may taong malapit, napalingon si Paul habang hawak-hawak pa ang mukha ng isang babae. Nakita sya nito. Siya naman ay tulala. Nagulat na lang sya ng  magsalita si Paul. Tinanong nito kung bakit sya nandun? Nginitian lang nya ito sabay talikod at naglakad ng mabilis. Mabilis palayo sa direksyon ng gusali nila. Narinig nyang tinatawag sya ni Paul pero hindi naman sya nito hinabol. Gustong pumatak ng mga luha nya pero hindi nya pinayagan iyon. Sumakay sya ng taxi. Nagsabi sya sa driver na dalhin sya sa baywalk. Mamaya na sya uuwi  ‘pag nakapasok na ang mama nya sa trabaho. 9am ang pasok nito sa opisina limang kanto mula sa kanila. Ayaw pa nyang magkulong sa bahay at magpakain sa emosyong bumabalot sa kanya ngayon – kalungkutan at inis. Kalungkutan dahil mukhang hindi na sila pwede ni Paul at inis dahil umasa sya, pinaasa sya.

Pagkatapat ng taxi sa baywalk, bumaba sya at nagbayad. Umupo sya sa isang bench na nalililiman ng puno ng niyog. Naisipan nyang kunin ang telepono sa bag dahil kanina pa ito nag-vivibrate. Maraming missed calls ni Paul ang tumambad sa kanya. Marami ring text messages.

Paul: Pre, anong meron? Tinawag kita ah.

Paul: Sayang, ipapakilala pa naman kita kay Tricia, sinagot na nya ako.

Paul: Nasaan ka ba? Sisipot ka ba mamaya?

Paul: Ipapakilala ko sana yung pinsan ni babe, si Marge. You will like her.

Paul: Saglit, ikaw ba talaga yun? Ba’t ganun ang suot mo?

Paul: hoy, ba’t di ka pumasok? Nu nangyari sa ‘yo?

Marami pang text pero di na nya itinuloy basahin. Ano ba naman? Nagkamali pala sya ng akala. Unti-unti syang nahulog rito pero ito pala, walang pinagkaiba sa kanila – lalake ang tingin sa kanya. At may ipakikilala pa raw itong babae. Ang saklap. Namili na sya pero bakit ganun? Pinababalik sya. Muntik na nyang ipahiya ang sarili. Kay Paul. At oo, hindi sya sasaya sa ganung isipin. Desperada. Wala sa bokabolaryo nya yun. Inipon nya ang mga gamit at tumayo na. Nakapagpasya na sya, sa kung ano ang dapat nyang gawin.

Feb 15. 7:45AM. Nakabihis na sya at papasok sa trabaho. Sabado iyon kaya pinapayagan silang suotin ang rugged attire. White Shirt, Blue Jeans, black sports watch, sneakers at bag na pulang Adidas. Maliban roon, nagpagupit sya kahapon ng maiksi. Iyong tipong hanggang pwede lang maitali. Pinakamaiksi na iyon sa mga gupit nya. Nagulat ang mama nya sa ganoong itsura nya. May inaasahan yata itong iba. Nagpaalam sya at sinabing sa opisina na mag-uumagahan. Sinabihan sya nito na mag-uusap sila pag-uwi nya. Tumango lang sya.

Pagkarating nya sa opisina, nakita nya agad si Paul. Nakipag-apiran ito sa kanya. Tinanong nya ito kung sya yun, hindi sya umamin. Tinanong nya kung ano ang sinasabi nito? Ikwinento ni Paul sa kanya yung kamukha nya raw. Kamukha nga siguro, aniya. Ang sabi pa niya rito nagkasakit sya at sayang na di sya nakasama noong gabi.

Mukha namang naniwala si Paul, sa isip nya. Isang araw na kahibangan at ‘eto babagsak din pala sya sa ganito. Hindi nya masasabi kung magiging ganun pa sya pero isa lang, masaya sya sa ganito. Mas malakas at hindi masasaktan ng mga lalake. Isang harang na minsa’y natibag pero ngayon, itinatayo na nya uli.***

1401635291402

dear Angelo

..i take one step away

but i find myself coming back

to you my one and only,

one and only YOU…

 

do you hear me sing  V?

I wish…

This is the only thing I can do now. I’ve tried to stop myself from committing same mistake as before. I almost did it actually. I told Him and myself, I won’t try write that part of my story ever again. It fails everytime. Mas magaling siya, yun ang hindi ko maitatanggi (He is wiser, that I can’t deny). And so, I give him the pen and take charge of what  is to be.

Angelo, you have been a model to me that day1 I looked straightly into your eyes. It’s a memory I keep that I was singing for the first time I’ve been looking in your eyes while looking at you, staring as you approach our department. NKKLK (crazy) but I did. I was almost, always late last year 2013 and twice I saw you at the crossing. I didn’t know what to do, will I wait up? Go along with you or be ahead of you? I chose going ahead of you just to tell you, yeah, it’s me, I’m here. But in the end, I always end up chasing you, sometimes I’m on my two-inch-heeled shoes. You were so fast. Later, I found out why—you were already late. So was I.

One of those two times, I was wishing to see you right there, right then. I missed you for two weeks. Suddenly, the wish became a prayer answered. You were standing in front of me. I blinked. I thought I was on a daydream but there, a living, breathing you are. RED light and even people were crossing, you didn’t go with the flow. I was amazed of how you think on traffic rules. I stayed to watch you further. GREEN light and there we went. Naunahan pa nga kita (I went ahead of you even). I really went ahead of you but as I said, you overtook me. Nagrereklamo ako pag lagi kitang hinahabol pero kasalanan ko naman. Now, when I cross that section, I got your attitude. I don’t cross when it’s red. I go Green. Thanks for that.

While our office was in renovation, I saw you often since you were the supervisor. I even had that word twitching referring to my heart’s reaction when I see you—kumikislot (twitching). I had so many crazy things inside my head and done some. I wrote your name on the newspaper I found at the third floor. Nobody was around. I stalked your FB and your siblings’. Sorry but I am not sorry. They were all brilliant specially Apple whose interests are same as mine minus the playing of music instruments. I don’t do that but I wish I can to be able to jam with your singing of Here, There and Everywhere. Every time I hear that song, I feel how you want to love. I don’t know if someone special is occupying your heart and mind right now. I don’t bother to know. It’s enough for me to know, I have this one-way feeling towards you.

I met you one day in May 2013 and done the research. You are running and I admit, that was one factor how my friends were able to convince me join a funrun in July. I wanted to see your world, experience what you are doing and hoping too, I can see you there. So far, I haven’t seen you on one of my runs. It’s been nine months and counting. However, I do run now with the primary reason I want to take care of myself to take care of others more. Fitness is something that will make me remember you. No one does, no one will, only you. Again, I thank God for that.

I love to see you sleeping. Doon ka naman kasi yata nawiwili (You are enjoying it. It seems). Your profile pics are screaming about it. On the morning following our Christmas party, I saw you sleeping at the cushioned seat at your office’s lobby. I stared at you while passing by. I wanted to stop but I didn’t. I got a companion pero alam naman niya. Poor child, I thought. Someone told me you’re not getting good sleep those days. I wanted to be there at your side and watch over you. I was even thinking I’ll be watching you every day. It sounds good to me and it’s really crazy. It was just like how I look when you came to me because no one answered me about the glass pane I wanted to be removed, worrying that it will be damaged by the demolishing works that night, that first hello when you were looking for our messenger, kinilig talaga ako. That night, I was smiling even maybe at sleep.

Weird but I had this long-sleeve and I was thinking like it’s lucky. Why? I see you whenever I am with it (mind setting lang siguro). I almost bumped into you one Friday, my friend told me, “bakit di mo binangga?” haha, same with my thoughts. She, really is my friend. I saw you on Valentines day 2014, guilty again, I stared. As ever, you were so serious, your palms wrapping each other. Could I hold one of those? Ooops, crazy ideas!

I always love assisting and helping you. It was unsolicited. Para-paraan para makausap ka. Textmate kita remember? Natutuwa  ako pag wala yung in-charge mo. That means, it will only be me you’ll get to talk to. Simple as that. I will always be willing sa isang pagkabait-bait na arkitekto. Anyway, I had my house plan back in province, I was just hoping you would see and help me. Ako naman ang tulungan mo. Doon lang. In any other thing, you can’t.

I am someone who evaluates everything – the guy on the next block, kids playing with their parents watching, leaves swaying outside jayson’s window (he’s beside it), sun that upsets Mina when it’s setting and this, specially, my feelings. I know you are miles up there. Suntok sa buwan na lagi-lagi kong sinasabi. I have plans of reaching you but now, my jump won’t suffice to cope the distance. I guess I have to reorganize everything of me but I promise, I won’t get too far. Right now, you are a butterfly I can’t keep for if I do, we both die. I won’t let you suffocate in my palms, the personality you created and the influence you brought. I won’t let myself die in despair, in reaching you or catching you. I won’t. I respect God’s writing and will. If ever you won’t be available then, that time I can get a rocket to the moon, its okay. No regrets. Someone other might be waiting. If only if. And if ever you won’t be my one and only YOU, I pray for Him to land you, dearest Angelo, in loving arms always. God bless you lucky angel. ‘Til then.

ROMA PI

#INSPIRED #blueprint