I Hate Myself for Waiting but..

I do. My friends always scold me for being the martyr type for being fond of waiting. Why not? I get some heroic complements from doing it. The prizes for extending my patience and be the last man standing are thank you, smiles, and sometimes, coffee. Oh, and look what I just got because I have to wait for someone last night. It’s a freebie on my way home.

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Yet, I was pissed off (of myself) sometimes. It was my choice to stay longer and for saying yes or voluntarily be there. I can’t blame anyone. It’s my account, solely.

Behind every enduring minute and hours later, I’m aware that I am actually a dying candle. I give up sleep, on time meal and necessities, socials, friends, and even family. You see, going another hour and spending some time for something or someone takes sacrifice. What else in the world will not require something in return for something (beside God’s love)? Then, I should know its worth. I should know what’s at the end of the line and be able to weigh what matters more.

Waiting is a kind of suffering. It isn’t by-standing. It isn’t doing it on your free time. You bleed inside and your hopes might slide down.

Waiting is a game. The outcome can’t be predicted. Sometimes, there is and sometimes, there isn’t. So, prepare your heart.

Waiting is being selfless.It takes forgetting one’s self to hope for something or someone. It’s a painful reality that even life is disrupted.

Waiting is what-if. Try asking what will happen if it’s over or having the thought of giving up right there at that moment. It’s a matter of destiny or the will of the upper hand. Just have your part whatever.

Waiting is your personality.What’s your patience meter’s read? How long do you survive a moment in silence? Without your phone? Do you quit too soon? Right now or later? A test of your core strength is right here WAITING (a song, yes!)

Waiting is always a choice.It is. Nothing can bind you, even by rules. If you break what has been founded or agreed, it is your choice, and consequences later. Stay or walk away?

In a world where conventional heroes mean fading away with a cause, will you be one? Will you courageously meet fate at the end of the line or leave sooner? There is or there isn’t something good for you until it’s over. As I’ve said, weigh what’s more important. What does it worth? If we need to be selfless to serve others or get a something in return, be strong. It takes will, courage and so much faith. Lastly, for us to realize – we are waiting, yet, don’t forget that we are waited, too. Be a justice to ourselves. Ask now or later?

 

xx RoMa Pi

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